Last week, one particular day was a little extra overwhelming and less than perfect. Then, we got home and Tori checked the mail. There was a small package from Celebrate Children with a DVD of our little girl. Instantly we forgot about everything going on and went straight to the TV and watched the brief video. It was surreal to see her like that. The first part of the video was actually a little bit hard to watch. Everyone was trying really hard to get our "sad little girl" to smile. They were snapping in her face, pulling her by the arm, poking at her cheeks and flashing pictures of her. They wanted her to smile for prospective parents, but they were simply freaking her out! She was so very scared of what all was going on around her. It was breaking our hearts to watch. Then, they moved to another part of the room and she played a hand slapping game with one of the translators. It was adorable to watch her play. She was so into it. Tori says she played that game like it was her job. She was going to hit that guy's hand no matter how fast he moved it away! She would hit his hand extra-hard whenever she got the chance. She even tried to trick the guy, so we know there's a little trouble in her. This is when we got to see the first smile that we had only seen in pictures. It was so fun that we watched it immediately again.
I know that Tori goes to bed every night thinking about Zoe, how she is being treated and did she get enough food to eat today. For me, watching this video connected me with Zoe in a whole new way. She has become more than an idea, more than a picture and more than a child that will one day be ours. As we watched that video we saw our little girl in an orphanage being taken care of by strangers. Zoe is no longer a stranger to me. We see her and know she is ours. The rooms that we have prepared for her seem a little bit lonely now. They sit empty and lifeless. We long for the day that she will play in her new playroom and sleep in her new bedroom.
Our first home study visit is in the morning. Tori has been working hard all night to make sure our paperwork is all signed, notarized, filed and ready to go. Of course I've been sick all day and doing what little I can to help. Tori has promised to prop me up like "Weekend at Bernies" or whatever it takes to get us through this appointment in the morning, without canceling. Hopefully the social worker will see through the spaced out Tylenol Cold fog I will be in. We're really ready to get this interview over. I am sure that it will work out fine. We have a room setup, a couple of new fire extinguishers, our medicine is up high and I can't plug anything in easily anymore.
As the days pass on we get more excited, but it also gets harder. We know this little girl is ours and it is more and more real everyday that she is not with us. The home study is another milestone and there will be more along the way. It is weird that just a few months ago we felt whole. Now there is an empty place wherever we go. We can't wait to experience life with our little Zoe. We can't wait for her to see Thomas the Train with her cousins or watch her receive hugs and kisses from grandparents. That day is not terribly far away. Until then, we will continue to pray for her every moment of everyday. Until then, we will continue to prepare a magical place for her to sleep and play. Until we can hold her in our arms, we will continue to love her from a distance.
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How exciting to see your sweet Zoe!!! I know it makes it harder to wait, but it's so worth it! When you see here and hold her for the first time it will be just like Tori delivered her. (I speak from experience!) :) Thanks for sharing your heart! Can't wait to meet her!!
Blessings on your journey,
Wendy Webb