We have an awesome life. I love to wake up and see what each day holds for me and my girls. Zoe is a truly amazing kid. She is kind, she shares, she forgives, she can turn a bad attitude into a good attitude, she is very smart and I could fill a book with all the wonderful things about her! Zoe has transitioned beautifully into our family over these last 9 months. We take lots of happy pictures and do so many fun things. But, honestly, our life is not all sunshine and gummy bears.
January has probably been the hardest month we've had since we brought Zoe home. I think back to a year ago after we had just met Zoe in Ethiopia and had to leave her. It was the most difficult time in our lives. We had such joy getting to know her then such sadness to leave her. This was followed by the roller coaster of emotions as we worked with the Ethiopian court system and government agencies to finalize the adoption process.
Now she is home. We get to hold her and love her and laugh with her everyday. This month we have also spent time crying with her. As we've started this new year, Tori and I have been extremely busy at work and my usual patience has been at an all time low. Zoe and I have had some difficult times and I have had days where I've felt like an utter failure as a father and husband because I literally don't know what to do. I am supposed to be an "expert" on kids and I am at a total loss.
We weren't sure what was going on, but beginning right after Christmas Zoe began grieving her birthmother, Mehret. I have watched Tori hold Zoe in her arms as she weeps over the loss of her birthmother and the fact that she is beginning to forget her. More recently, her behavior has started to change, her sleeping patterns haven't been normal and even her eating habits have changed.
Tonight was, by far, the most difficult night of parenting we've had with our precious Zoe. Today started off rough for the girls. I went to church early and they had their typical Sunday morning at home, watching cartoons and getting ready to come meet me. Everything was going just fine, then Tori chose Zoe's favorite red boots to wear to church. It seems that Zoe decided she did not want to wear them and the meltdown began. By the time they got to church things were better and everyone complimented her awesome boots. Throughout the day she struggled with having a good attitude, but was able to turn it around. Then bedtime came and she fell apart.
I was putting Zoe down and she began flailing and screaming so loud that Tori came in to see what was going on. She was kicking, and screaming, and hitting, and spitting, and screaming, and flailing, and biting, and screaming, and yelling and screaming and crying. It took both of us to physically hold her down. Both of us were so angry and couldn't figure out what was going on. Tori finally got the sense to talk it out of her. We realized that the problems of today were more than just red boots and bedtime.
Zoe began to ask why Mehret gave her away through the saddest sobbing I've ever experienced. Mehret has always been freely discussed in our home. We have always said that she gave us the best gift and talked about how we truly love her. Over the past month Zoe has talked about her in a much different way. She has said some of the most hurtful things to us in the process of grieving her loss and dealing with feelings of abandonment. Tonight we watched our 4 year old daughter scream and weep over being abandoned by her birthmother. She decided she never wanted to talk about her, love her or pray for her ever again. We told her that we would always do these things and then Tori prayed for Mehret right then and there. Zoe asked us, "What is Mehret to me?" We told her that she was the one who gave her life and cared for her until we could come and get her. She now knows that we love her no matter what she says to us, that we will never leave her and God made her for us before she was ever born.
It is truly amazing to me that Zoe can even have these feelings. She is angry, she is sad, she is confused and she is heartbroken. As she worked through these feelings tonight we felt them right along with her. Adoption is amazing, but it is also very difficult. Not many preschoolers around here have much to mourn or grieve. She has been through so much in her little life. We so often shortchange children and what they feel and understand. There is so much more than they can express living inside their tiny bodies.
After things calmed down we were able to talk about this passion she has inside her and how she is a "feisty girl" just like her mommy, which she loved. She wanted to know more about being feisty. She was so excited to share this trait with Tori. We talked about how they are like a zig zag line going up and down and up and down and I was more of a calm straight line. She looked at me and asked, "Daddy, why are you slow?" Which is a question Tori asks fairly consistently of me. Tori began to talk about how the two of them are so alike. We talked about how they will live big, fight big, but most importantly they will love big. Tori talked about how she got in trouble A LOT by her mommy, just like Zoe will and how I didn't get in trouble very much while I was growing up. Then Zoe looked up at Tori and said, "I think Daddy is gooder than we are." We all laughed and then I was able to say to the both of them that of all the girls in the entire world I could choose, I chose a feisty one to be my wife. Now I live in a house with 2 feisty girls and couldn't imagine it otherwise. Our family needs Tori to understand Zoe and me to make sure they are both alive at the end of each day.
So, today was a day we will never forget. We saw our daughter suffer, we heard harsh and hurtful words and our family grew stronger. So, we pray that we will continue to know how to love and parent her well. We pray that we can help her remember Mehret when she forgets and we can honor her when she feels betrayed. I pray that she remains feisty and our great God uses that passion to change the world and glorify him in mighty ways. Today has been so very difficult, but we have learned that 2 feisty girls + 1 slow daddy = The Jones Family and we wouldn't have it any other way.
We've been counting down the days to our new court date. When we heard about it, March 15 seemed so very, very far away. Each day brings us a little closer and now it is finally March!
We really wanted to keep ourselves occupied the last few weeks to help with the waiting and boy, have we accomplished that goal! Along with everyone we know, we've been sick, not-sick, sick and hopefully not-sick for good. We've also basically redecorated our entire house, inside and out. We have spent many, very late nights working on so many projects.
Adding to the list, we celebrated the 3rd birthday of our awesome Nephew Will, in typical Team Jones fashion. As part of the decor, Tori created a 9 ft. long train from cardboard boxes to hold the gifts and for the kids to climb in for pictures. It was a spectacular day celebrating our favorite little guy.
Then, we got to have the first, major, grown-up party at our house last weekend. It was about time since we have almost lived here for a year! Our friends Jeff and Allison are having a baby boy, so we had all of the church staff over to celebrate. It was so fun to relax with friends from work and NOT talk about work, but simply get together to show Jeff and Allison how excited we are for them and give their little guy some gifts! We also got to show everyone Zoe's room, playroom and pictures of our sweet girl throughout the night. It was such an honor to be the ones hosting a night full of blessings for Jeff and Allison's precious baby boy. Tori had been wanting to have this party so bad since she found out Allison was pregnant. Who knew that it would be such a huge blessing to us?! We had so much fun getting everything ready that we didn't have much time to think about the waiting. Then that night we celebrated the new life of this special boy we're about to meet and all we felt was joy and excitement for our friends!
This weekend we were spent, beat, worn out, dog-tired, exhausted... We'd been going so hard for the last few weeks that we just had to sleep in and watch TV in bed, which made for a fantastic, lazy Saturday.
With everything going on it's been easy to miss out on what God has been doing for us. As I look back it is so cool to see how the Lord provided for us in these days of waiting and it gives hope to the days ahead. He knew we needed some major fun events for us to throw our heart and soul into. So, Will was born 3 years ago and Allison got pregnant several months ago. What part of God's great plan will tomorrow hold and when was it set in motion? It is crazy to see how His plan unfolds. It is awesome to see how He works. It is humbling to see how much He loves us.
So, even when things aren't joyful, even when little things remind us of our precious child, even when there is no party, even on days when it is hard to smile; We can rest easy, we can look forward with hope and we can praise our God! He is the one who led us to our Zoe and He is the one who will bring her home to us in His perfect time. His plan is coming alive in surprising new ways everyday.
So, we praise Him for the day we first saw her sad little face. We praise him for the day we saw her first little half-grin. We praise Him for the day we hugged and kissed her as she laughed and smiled and squealed! We praise Him, praise Him, praise Him for the days that are still to come.
It's finally March! Still, we nervously anticipate the "Ides of March" and ask that you keep praying with us for great news. On March 15 we long to hear that we have passed court and Zoe is one more step closer to coming home forever.
It's finally March and the journey continues! Thanks for being with us through it all.
What a roller coaster of emotions this year has started off to be. We've hit some of life's highest highs and lowest lows already in 2011.
It all started about a month ago when we made our first trip to Ethiopia. Getting there was no picnic, but we arrived in Ethiopia exhausted and so very ready to meet our little girl. It was a real adventure getting from the airport to the guest house and I had my first feeling that we might be taken to a dark alley and killed for our possessions. (It didn't happen) We arrived at the guest house and met two amazing couples, the Giddens and the Quinns and their precious, new daughters. We were hoping Zoe would join all of us right away, but we found out that we wouldn't get to meet her until the next morning. Disappointing, but it gave us great time with the other couples as we got to know them, talk about our adoption journeys and become lifetime friends. The next morning we went straight to meet Zoe. Just before we arrived, her birth-mom had been there to say goodbye. So, Zoe was crying, but she took to Tori instantly and we rode back to the house taking pictures while giving her suckers and cheap plastic jewelry. It was so fun.
Then, we went to court, which went so smoothly and quickly. Afterward, they told us that Zoe's birth-mom wanted to come back with us to say goodbye and take pictures, because they had never taken a picture. It is hard to imagine not having a picture of your child...we already have dozens of Zoe that we cherish. So, from the courthouse, we were shuffled into a van with strangers and Zoe's birth-mom. This was the second time I thought we might be taken to a dark alley and killed for our possessions. (Again, it didn't happen) The ride back was spent learning anything we could about Zoe. Her birth-mom said the only thing she wanted for Zoe was that she have the opportunity to learn. We promised she would be educated and go to college. After we arrived back at the house, we spent the most wonderful time with Zoe's birth-mom and she had the chance to say goodbye, tell Zoe we were her new parents and she physically handed Zoe over to Tori. It was the most beautiful time we could ever have imagined and something we will never forget.
Later that day we got the devastating news that we did not pass court. We were heartbroken, but were given a new court date 10 days later. The next couple of days, however, we were amazing. All our expectations were blown away by our little Ethiopian diva. She was not shy or sad, like every picture, video and description had shown. Zoe lives up to her new name as she is so very full of life. She loves to sing, dance and giggle. She also loves to throw major tantrums like the average 3 year old. Her first major fit was absolutely no fun for us, but it gave us a good taste of what is to come. For the majority of our time together, she was so entertaining and extremely loving. She totally understood what was happening and called us Mommy and Daddy the whole time. She never passed a mirror she didn't like and she loved anything pink or sparkly. She is going to fit in our family just perfectly. She is really awesome. We are so blessed to have spent those few days with her.
Taking her back to the orphanage was the most difficult thing we've ever done, ever. We had just spent several days with her, fell more in love with her and then had to leave her in an Ethiopian orphanage. Zoe was actually happy with all the kids there but we were a total mess. She waved goodbye with a huge smile on her face, while we sobbed uncontrollably. We made the long journey home missing her terribly every single day. It was pure joy meeting her and then absolute torture leaving her.
We waited the ten days for our new court date. Everyone we knew and everyone they knew were promising to pray for us. We had a sleepless night, checking email every hour. As the day went on, we thought we'd never get any news! Finally we got word from our agency that we had been given the wrong court date. Devastated again. We would have to wait ten more days. This was putting us 3 weeks behind the original schedule of bringing her home.
Finally our new court date arrived, February 7. Many more prayers and another sleepless night. Then we got another email...we did not pass. We thought we had prepared ourselves for failure, but we were devastated again. Devastated, yet again. We spent most of the day in bed, depressed and trying to make sense of it all. Tori handled it her way, on the phone, talking things through with her mom, her sister, her dad, her mom, her sister, her mom, her sister... over and over again, while I handled it my way, talking to no one, simply texting my family and trying to sort through it in my own mind by myself.
The next morning we woke up, a little late, to the email with our new court date... MARCH 15! SIX WEEKS! It was like a sucker punch to the gut. All the wind out of our sails. Our feet knocked out from under us and every other cliche for utter disappointment you can think of. We spent another day in the bed, feeling even worse than before. Tori spent time on the phone again. I called my dad and had him spread the word for me. We were ready to hop a plane back to Ethiopia, but there is absolutely nothing we can do but wait.
Today, nothing in our world seems quite right. We seem to be getting farther away from our Zoe every single day. We thought we would be bringing her home mid-March and now we are just hoping to pass court by then, before we start 8 more weeks of waiting. We just want her here. My heart pains for Zoe. I pray everyday that her spirit is not broken while she lives in the orphanage. The little girl we met was so confident, independent and full of life. I pray that is the girl we return to one day very soon. As Tori says, "we are here, but she is dare," and nothing about that seems right.
To be honest, we are impatiently waiting. All the while, we've had so many kind and loving words from friends and family, encouraging us daily. We know that she will not be here with us one day sooner than the Lord has scheduled, but this week, as hard as we try, we just don't understand God's perfect timing. We know that, years from now, we will look back on these days and they will just seem like a short blip of time. These months will go by and then she will come home FOREVER. But this week, we are sad, we are sad, we are very, very sad.
The days ahead are busy days. Hopefully the business will keep our minds occupied so that the time passes quickly. Still, each day we live with the wonderful torture of holding our little girl and leaving her behind. We wouldn't trade a single moment that we got to spend with her, but it makes every moment without her even harder than before. She is ours and we are hers and we will do whatever it takes to bring her home as soon as possible.
For now, we wait. We wait, we wait, we wait. It is the hardest thing we have ever done, but still we wait for the wonderful day that the Lord has planned for us to be reunited and our family will be whole.
So, as we wait on God's perfect timing we thank Him and praise Him for our precious, Ethiopian diva and I pray Isaiah 40:31 over the three of us:
"Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary."
Thank you for your love and support as we continue on our journey. Thank you for talking about things with us and not talking about things with us. Thank you for praying with us/for us. Thank you for waiting with us. We love you all very much.
I really can't wrap my mind around the fact that we are leaving this
Saturday for Ethiopia and will be holding our little girl in our arms on
Monday! We have gone from looking at pictures of a sad Ethiopian girl, to filling out paperwork to actually meeting her face to face. Reality is starting to sink in. I mean, we are about two months away from bringing her home! I don't even know what emotions I should be feeling. I know that I am so stinkin' excited I don't know what to do with myself. I can't wait to actually meet our Zoe.
But, to be honest, I am expecting it to be really weird. T and I will be two strange white people that are very excited to see her. She will have just been moved to the transition home and then taken with us to the guest house for a few days. This could totally rock her world. Hopefully the pictures we sent will help with our initial meeting. Maybe she will recognize us after a month of looking at our pictures.
Luckily, Tori is an amazing "giver." She can't help it, she just loves to give a gift. It is in her DNA, handed straight down from Patti. So, the girls have been collecting lots of wonderful things for us to take with us to greet our precious little one. She has packed enough crafts to keep us and the entire city busy. So, we don't have to worry about too much awkward downtime. In addition to the crafts, we're taking her lots of suckers, a white baby doll, Mrs. Potato Head, play dough, tiny underwear, little shoes, new clothes in various sizes for her to try on, some comfy PJs, Sesame Street DVDs and matching silver, heart necklaces for her and Tori. I cannot wait to see Tori and Zoe interact. Tori is so amazing with kids and was just created to be an awesome Mom. I could almost weep thinking about the love she will pour out on our daughter. It's going to be so cool to watch T pull one thing after another out of her bag of tricks to ease Zoe's fear and just start getting to know her.
As we talk about this trip we are trying to be very realistic. This might not be a trip filled with hugs and laughs. It could be lots of screaming or tears or silence. We have no idea what to expect. All that matters to us is that we get to meet her, love on her, hug on her kiss on her, and simply be with her.
We have a wild trip ahead of us. I will give you a brief look at our itinerary so you can know how and when to be praying for us, because if you are reading this, we are expecting your prayers!
We leave Saturday evening, January 15, and fly to D.C. then on to London. We have a 10 hours there, so we rented a day room to shower and rest or do whatever we need to do. Then we're off to Ethiopia. We land in Addis Ababa on Monday morning and head to the guest house where we will be staying. We hope to pick up Zoe shortly after that to bring her back to stay with us. Tuesday morning, January 18, we leave Zoe at the house with caretakers and head to court where we will officially adopt her. Her mom will be there so hopefully we will get to talk with her and learn more about our little girl. Please pray that things go smoothly and we pass court without any hiccups. This has not been the case for every family and last month a few birth-mothers backed out on court day. We're praying that Zoe's mom will stick to the decision she made and we'll be able to thank her for the unbelievable gift she is blessing us with as we reassure her that we will love and care for Zoe more than she could ever dream. I cannot imagine the sacrificial love it must take to do what she has done for Zoe. After court we'll go back to the house and spend the rest of Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday getting to know our little girl. We're planning on taking Zoe back to the transition home Thursday night because our flight leaves at 1:45 AM Friday morning, January 21. We'll fly back to London, on to D.C. then to Chicago and finally home to Nashville, Friday night (thank you 8 hour time difference).
This trip is going to be totally insane. I honestly don't know how we are going to leave her there. After spending time with her, bathing her and putting new, clean clothes on her, sending her back to the orphanage will be the hardest thing either one of us has ever done in our life. It is going to take both of us dragging each other onto that plane
(and some powerful drugs) knowing that it will be 8 weeks before we bring her home. We can't imagine what will be going through her little mind as we dive-bomb her life for a few days and then head back to America. We pray that we'll be able to use the translators to help her understand that we are coming back to get her and she is not being left again. We are preparing ourselves as much as we can and we will spend our time with her rejoicing and praising the Lord for this unbelievable gift without dwelling on the hard days ahead.
In the past month, we've been overwhelmed by the kids at church sending us off with more play dough, hot wheels, diapers, baby clothes and formula than our suitcases can hold! We've packed our huge suitcases with stuff the kids are sending to the orphanages and tried to get most of our clothes in our carry-on bags! It is amazing to see them open their hearts to kids in need around the world. All of us "grown-ups" have so much to learn from the love and generosity of kids.
So, I write this blog with great anticipation and excitement. Thank you all for asking about Zoe when you see us and for the great encouragement you have provided. We can't wait to come home and share stories and finally send pictures everywhere! We are so grateful for your participation in our journey and we are so thankful that you continue to pray for us and our sweet Zoe.
It's official, January 18 is our court date in Ethiopia! We'll only be there for a few days, but we'll get to meet Zoe, hold her and love on her for the first time. During this trip we will officially adopt her in Ethiopia. But, after spending a couple days with her, we'll then leave her with just a few pictures of us for 6-8 weeks before we can go back to get her and bring her home to Tennessee. We are over-the-moon excited about the day we will finally meet her, but also scared to death. We have no idea how she will react to us when we meet. She will probably be scared to death herself! We just pray that it will be a time to start bonding and begin the process of becoming a family. We're also praying that we'll be able to drag each other onto the plane home. It will take an act of God and probably some powerful medication to do so.
Last weekend we were able to meet Sue, the director of our agency, Celebrate Children International. It was amazing to sit down with her and hear hear heart for the kids in Ethiopia and all that she is doing to make sure they find forever families. The house we were in was filled with internationally adopted children, several from Ethiopia. It was exciting to see the smiles on their faces and how quickly they have integrated into American culture. All I could think about was our Zoe, when they waved from outside or snuck a taste from the sugar bowl as they passed by. Sue loved on all the kids and knew them by name as she does all the kids she is advocating for around the globe. I am so glad that we are working with someone who views her job as a ministry and a calling. She is kind, but tough and her work is changing lives for eternity.
It really is weird to be an adoptive family. We know that it is a special calling and not for everyone. All Christians are called to care for the widows and orphans, but that doesn't mean everybody is supposed to bring them into their homes and families. We want to be advocates for these kids around the world without making Zoe, or any other kids we might adopt one day, become little trophies on our mantle. Like I have said before, Zoe will be as special as any children in our family. Everyone thinks, "Wow, you are going to change that little girl's life," and we will, but we know that we have as much or more to learn from her than she will ever get from us. So the three of us will learn and grow together and all of our lives will be reborn.
Tomorrow is our annual "Story Sunday" at TPC and I am preparing to talk to the kids about Zoe's story and the project that we'll be doing to collect much needed items for Tori and I to take to the Ethiopian orphanages in January. Tonight I video taped myself telling the story of our adoption journey in 5 minutes for the kids at our Franklin campus. It was amazing as I sat in Zoe's room, by her giant stuffed zebra and talked about how God has provided for us and answered so many prayers in the last few months. I thought back to how God changed our hearts from adopting a little baby to an older, waiting child who might have missed her chance to be adopted. I remember looking at the many smiling faces with Sue encouraging us to think about the "sad little girl" and then realizing that was our daughter. I remember the day that we got an email with no subject that opened to the smiling face that we'd been praying for. We had no idea how long it would take to see that smile and God gave it to us before we even met her. These past few months have been the busiest and craziest of our lives. The waiting has been getting harder. Today, Tori read a children's book in Target that began with these words, "I wanted you more than you ever will know, so I sent love to follow wherever you go." Thinking about Zoe had her in tears before the last page finished with, "you are loved." The author put our feelings into words. The words we wish Zoe could hear today and everyday. They are the words that the Lord has spoken to us throughout our lives, "Wherever you are my love will find you," and now this is the cry of our hearts for Zoe.
As the days get closer to meeting her, the days without her pass. We think of Thanksgiving with family minus Zoe, a trip to Disney World without her, Christmas morning with her far away and ringing in a new year knowing she is there and we are here. Life as we know it is about to change forever. I don't want to sound like "Debbie-Downer" but I would rate this journey higher on the sad/difficult chart than the joyful/exciting one. I know that the days of joy will come when we hold her little body tight, kiss her sweet little cheeks, kick the soccer ball in our back yard and read stories at night in bed. But for now there is no little body, no little cheeks, no one to kick the ball back or listen to stories. It's hard to know that, most likely, no one is doing these things with her now and these are days we'll never get back. I also know that God still has much to do to prepare us and much more to provide for us to bring her home. So, we continue to do the best at the calling He has placed on our lives for now. We minister to and love on those around us today and we pray for the "sad little girl" in Ethiopia. We pray for warm nights, a full belly, health, love, comfort, security and lots of smiles. The day we meet cannot come soon enough, but it will come. The day will come when our sad tears will turn to tears of joy as we wrap our arms around the little girl that the Lord created to be ours.
Taking the time to read this blog and pray with us means so much. We're grateful to those of you who have joined us in the journey as we bring Zoe home. We can't wait for you to see her smiling face and love her like you have loved us.
It is weird to adopt. Tori isn't pregnant, like several of our friends, but we are about to be parents like they are. We have all the same fears and expectations of what it will be like to have a child, but we don't have any part of her yet. She isn't growing before our eyes. We can't feel her move. We have a few images of her and that's all. It's just weird. I had a friend whose wife went to the hospital today because of some concerns with her pregnancy and we have another friend who got to hear her baby's heartbeat the other day. As scary and worrisome as this time is for them, they have the opportunity to check on their kids who aren't here yet. When something doesn't seem right, they have medical professionals check their babies. If they need to, they can change their diets to help their children receive the proper nutrition, they can wrap up in a blanket if it is cold or take medicine if they're sick. We know that Zoe isn't getting everything she needs, but we can't do anything about it. We recently learned that it probably isn't hot in Ethiopia at night and now Tori goes to sleep concerned that Zoe isn't warm or cozy. But we can't help her, snuggle her or tuck her in tight. We just have to wait, fill out some more paperwork, look at her picture and dream of the day she will be with us. Everyday that we wait, we know that it's one more day of her life that we miss out on. There are millions of firsts that we will know absolutely nothing about. We don't know her first word, we missed out on her first step, we never saw her first smile, we didn't give her first hug, we didn't witness her first breath. No matter how many firsts we will be blessed to have with her, the first years of her life have been absent from ours.
I have been thinking lately about how I have learned so much in this last year from the precious preschoolers at church and watching Matt and Carrie parent their 3 awesome kids. I see how amazing, unique and special every single child is. I think about how we want to raise Zoe as our child, not our "adopted" child. She will be just as special and wonderful to us as the biological children we will have one day. The story of her arrival here will be extraordinary, but the arrival of each and every child is extraordinary.
It kind of freaks me out to think about being a dad. This would probably surprise a lot of people, since I am a kids pastor, but it really does freak me out. I absolutely love teaching and entertaining a huge group of kids for an hour once a week. I have a degree in Family Studies and I have been training other adults to lead children for years. But the thought of being responsible to raise an entire human and prepare her for life is quite daunting. What if I work too much and how much is too much? How will I give her the attention she deserves so that she will grow to be a confident woman? Will she trust me? How will I let her know that I truly love her unconditionally? How do I keep her away from boys? That makes me think about the fact that Zoe is a girl. Yikes! Of course, I've been told that I will be a good dad to a little girl...I think that's because I am more of an artist than an athlete, but still I have almost 29 years of experience being a boy and none as a girl. I don't really know what dolls do or why a tea party is fun. I do know that this stuff is really important along with pink and sparkly things. I realize that all first time dads are completely clueless, too, but I guess that working with kids shows me how much and how easily I can really screw her up. I just don't want to screw her up, you know?
It is a huge relief and ginormous blessing to know that Tori will be her mom. She will be a truly amazing mom. Really the best. Seriously, no little girl could be luckier than Zoe. Tori is amazing with all kids. I watched her love on our nephew, Will, today and thought about how lucky Zoe is going to be. Tori will hug, play, cuddle, sing, kiss, bandage and do more for Zoe than she could ever dream of. She will make our little girl feel like the most important person in the world. She'll ask her ten million questions about the simplest thing and listen to every detail, celebrating the mundane and honoring the ordinary so that her every moment feels special. It is a blessing for me to watch her as we go through this journey. Her heart breaks everyday for Zoe in a million different ways. I am blessed, challenged and humbled to hear of her concern for our little girl. I am blessed to be taking this journey with my best friend and love of my life. I have learned so much about love from Tori and I can't wait to watch her teach Zoe to love, give and celebrate.
Thanks for reading our blog, talking about it with us and sharing it with others. It is so encouraging to hear you say that you are excited for us and that you are praying for our little girl with us. We're also really honored that you are buying shirts to help share our story and raise awareness about the many children waiting for forever families. There are lots of these kids out there from all over the world and right down the street who we would love to help you connect with if God has prepared and called you to adopt and you just don't know where to start. We would be so happy to help you take the first step. We've taken many steps in this wonderful journey. Thank you all for walking it with us!
The last couple of weeks have been pretty crazy around the Jones house. We are overwhelmed by the many blessings in our lives, but man, even a life full of great blessings is busy and stressful!
Last week, one particular day was a little extra overwhelming and less than perfect. Then, we got home and Tori checked the mail. There was a small package from Celebrate Children with a DVD of our little girl. Instantly we forgot about everything going on and went straight to the TV and watched the brief video. It was surreal to see her like that. The first part of the video was actually a little bit hard to watch. Everyone was trying really hard to get our "sad little girl" to smile. They were snapping in her face, pulling her by the arm, poking at her cheeks and flashing pictures of her. They wanted her to smile for prospective parents, but they were simply freaking her out! She was so very scared of what all was going on around her. It was breaking our hearts to watch. Then, they moved to another part of the room and she played a hand slapping game with one of the translators. It was adorable to watch her play. She was so into it. Tori says she played that game like it was her job. She was going to hit that guy's hand no matter how fast he moved it away! She would hit his hand extra-hard whenever she got the chance. She even tried to trick the guy, so we know there's a little trouble in her. This is when we got to see the first smile that we had only seen in pictures. It was so fun that we watched it immediately again.
I know that Tori goes to bed every night thinking about Zoe, how she is being treated and did she get enough food to eat today. For me, watching this video connected me with Zoe in a whole new way. She has become more than an idea, more than a picture and more than a child that will one day be ours. As we watched that video we saw our little girl in an orphanage being taken care of by strangers. Zoe is no longer a stranger to me. We see her and know she is ours. The rooms that we have prepared for her seem a little bit lonely now. They sit empty and lifeless. We long for the day that she will play in her new playroom and sleep in her new bedroom.
Our first home study visit is in the morning. Tori has been working hard all night to make sure our paperwork is all signed, notarized, filed and ready to go. Of course I've been sick all day and doing what little I can to help. Tori has promised to prop me up like "Weekend at Bernies" or whatever it takes to get us through this appointment in the morning, without canceling. Hopefully the social worker will see through the spaced out Tylenol Cold fog I will be in. We're really ready to get this interview over. I am sure that it will work out fine. We have a room setup, a couple of new fire extinguishers, our medicine is up high and I can't plug anything in easily anymore.
As the days pass on we get more excited, but it also gets harder. We know this little girl is ours and it is more and more real everyday that she is not with us. The home study is another milestone and there will be more along the way. It is weird that just a few months ago we felt whole. Now there is an empty place wherever we go. We can't wait to experience life with our little Zoe. We can't wait for her to see Thomas the Train with her cousins or watch her receive hugs and kisses from grandparents. That day is not terribly far away. Until then, we will continue to pray for her every moment of everyday. Until then, we will continue to prepare a magical place for her to sleep and play. Until we can hold her in our arms, we will continue to love her from a distance.
For the last few days we have been working hard to refinish furniture, hang curtains (without saying one bad word) and find special items for our little girl's bedroom and playroom. We have been transforming our office into a playroom and guest room into her bedroom.It has truly been a labor of love. We've had so much fun searching out things at Goodwill, looking through Hobby Lobby and wandering around Lowes for hours asking for help from every single employee at least twice. We've found lots of great stuff and it is so cool to put our personal stamp on it all. It turns out that the dressing table we got from Goodwill was actually donated by a friend at work who recognized it from a picture on my cell phone! The amount of pink in our house has increased 100-fold and I'm sure it will only go up from here. It is really fun for us to think about what she will do, how she will play and even what she will be when she grows up. We've been dreaming and talking far into the future about a precious little one who we have yet to meet. During this time, we have been looking at pictures and reading about a sweet, little 3 year-old girl named Tesfanesh and today we officially committed to her! They call her the "sad little girl" because no one could get her to smile for the camera. We will call her Zoe Renae: A Life Reborn, which is our prayer for her. We pray that joining our family will be a rebirth and the days of the sad little girl will be no more. We pray for and dream of days filled with smiles and laughter. We have seen nearly 100 pictures of her and only 1 with a smile on her face. She is VERY small and extremely shy, for now. Her mother is still alive, works at a bar, doesn't know who her father is and can no longer care for this adorable child. In her most recent pictures, they have her dressed in boy clothes...aReebok basketball jersey and khaki shorts. I told Tori that we will look back on this with her and either say, "see you were born an athlete," or "can you believe you ever wore sports apparel?" A few people have seen her picture and say she looks like me. This might be my only hope, since my nieces and nephew look just like Tori's dad.
Thanks for praying with us and celebrating with us today!
Today, we also want to offer you the opportunity to create awareness and support our journey in a more tangible way by purchasing a t-shirt in Zoe's honor for $15. I designed the shirt with some of our favorite words forming the shape of Africa. They are American Apparel shirts in black and red for adults along with pink and blue for kids. The image will be in white ink on the front of the shirts. There is a picture below to show you an idea of what the shirts will look like. We want anyone to have a shirt, regardless of if you can pay or not, so let us know if you need help with one. We really just want tons of you all to share Zoe's story as it unfolds and promote adoption wherever you go. This shirt will hopefully be a reminder for you to pray and a conversation starter to help you share with others. There is a PayPal area on the top right-hand side of our blog where you can choose your sizes and colors as you submit your order. Thanks for partnering with us on this and we look forward to seeing lots of Zoe shirts around!
We will take pre-orders until September 13th before placing our first order of shirts. (Please go ahead and pre-order so we will know how many to order). They should be in shortly after that. We will let you know as soon as they come in! Thanks!!
We have officially started the process of adopting a child from Ethiopia. Tori and I both knew that this is something that was in God's plan for our lives. I knew it was in her heart since the day I met her and I know she prayed that it would be in mine. It is truly amazing to think that in a few months I will be a father. We've been talking about our "Zoe" for a year now. We haven't met her, we don't know anything about her. All we know is that Zoe means
life and we feel called to bring
life to this child who has no hope of
life under her current circumstances. We have prayerfully considered this huge undertaking and believe that there is no way we CAN'T do it. With great joy and anticipation we are moving forward with the adoption of a young Ethiopian girl.
It is amazing to watch Tori shine throughout this process as her heart breaks over every waiting child we see. Even though it is overwhelming, she gathers the paperwork and organizes it over and over, knowing it is leading us to our Zoe. She has read hundreds of pages telling us how to properly submit every document. We're looking for our passports, ordering copies of our birth certificates, getting reference letters and having EVERYTHING notarized. A friend of ours called this time in the adoption the "paper pregnancy" because we are into months of paperwork. It is already difficult and emotional at times. We are, however, extremely fortunate and blessed to have families who support us 100%. I know that we have more than enough love to give little Zoe when she arrives and we can't wait for that exciting day. I know that the transition from an African orphanage to a white American household will not be easy. I am just trusting the Lord to guide us as we raise this sweet little girl. There will be so many days that she will feel different and I am sure there will be days where she will be discriminated against. It already breaks my heart, but I pray that in spite of this, she will be a confident leader, not one who lives as a victim. It will be a huge job, as her father, for me to instill this confidence in her from the moment I see her. I pray that she will learn more of the love of Jesus everyday and as a result of her adoption she will more clearly understand what it means to be adopted into God's family.
We are gearing up for a long, emotional, expensive, tiring journey but I know that the Lord has prepared us for this throughout our lives and He is continuing to do so. We are starting our family with adoption so that all of our kids know that this is what Joneses do. We care for those who can't care for themselves, however this may present itself throughout our lives. We want them to know that this is important to God and it is important to us. I also pray that those around us who see how we are starting our family and living our lives, will learn about what we are doing and say, "if they can do it, we can."
I don't know what our future holds or how we are going to parent an Ethiopian girl in America. All I know is that God has directed both of our lives in such an amazing way so far that I trust He has an amazing plan for us and especially for Zoe. I can't wait to see how He uses her life to change the world.
If you are reading this, I invite you to take this journey with us. We covet your prayers throughout the entire process and as we bring Zoe home. Like I said, we don't know what our future holds, but we know Who holds it. We are placing our trust, hope, fears, joy, pain and lives into His hands as He brings our family together from opposite ends of the world.
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