We have an awesome life. I love to wake up and see what each day holds for me and my girls. Zoe is a truly amazing kid. She is kind, she shares, she forgives, she can turn a bad attitude into a good attitude, she is very smart and I could fill a book with all the wonderful things about her! Zoe has transitioned beautifully into our family over these last 9 months. We take lots of happy pictures and do so many fun things. But, honestly, our life is not all sunshine and gummy bears.
January has probably been the hardest month we've had since we brought Zoe home. I think back to a year ago after we had just met Zoe in Ethiopia and had to leave her. It was the most difficult time in our lives. We had such joy getting to know her then such sadness to leave her. This was followed by the roller coaster of emotions as we worked with the Ethiopian court system and government agencies to finalize the adoption process.
Now she is home. We get to hold her and love her and laugh with her everyday. This month we have also spent time crying with her. As we've started this new year, Tori and I have been extremely busy at work and my usual patience has been at an all time low. Zoe and I have had some difficult times and I have had days where I've felt like an utter failure as a father and husband because I literally don't know what to do. I am supposed to be an "expert" on kids and I am at a total loss.
We weren't sure what was going on, but beginning right after Christmas Zoe began grieving her birthmother, Mehret. I have watched Tori hold Zoe in her arms as she weeps over the loss of her birthmother and the fact that she is beginning to forget her. More recently, her behavior has started to change, her sleeping patterns haven't been normal and even her eating habits have changed.
Tonight was, by far, the most difficult night of parenting we've had with our precious Zoe. Today started off rough for the girls. I went to church early and they had their typical Sunday morning at home, watching cartoons and getting ready to come meet me. Everything was going just fine, then Tori chose Zoe's favorite red boots to wear to church. It seems that Zoe decided she did not want to wear them and the meltdown began. By the time they got to church things were better and everyone complimented her awesome boots. Throughout the day she struggled with having a good attitude, but was able to turn it around. Then bedtime came and she fell apart.
I was putting Zoe down and she began flailing and screaming so loud that Tori came in to see what was going on. She was kicking, and screaming, and hitting, and spitting, and screaming, and flailing, and biting, and screaming, and yelling and screaming and crying. It took both of us to physically hold her down. Both of us were so angry and couldn't figure out what was going on. Tori finally got the sense to talk it out of her. We realized that the problems of today were more than just red boots and bedtime.
Zoe began to ask why Mehret gave her away through the saddest sobbing I've ever experienced. Mehret has always been freely discussed in our home. We have always said that she gave us the best gift and talked about how we truly love her. Over the past month Zoe has talked about her in a much different way. She has said some of the most hurtful things to us in the process of grieving her loss and dealing with feelings of abandonment. Tonight we watched our 4 year old daughter scream and weep over being abandoned by her birthmother. She decided she never wanted to talk about her, love her or pray for her ever again. We told her that we would always do these things and then Tori prayed for Mehret right then and there. Zoe asked us, "What is Mehret to me?" We told her that she was the one who gave her life and cared for her until we could come and get her. She now knows that we love her no matter what she says to us, that we will never leave her and God made her for us before she was ever born.
It is truly amazing to me that Zoe can even have these feelings. She is angry, she is sad, she is confused and she is heartbroken. As she worked through these feelings tonight we felt them right along with her. Adoption is amazing, but it is also very difficult. Not many preschoolers around here have much to mourn or grieve. She has been through so much in her little life. We so often shortchange children and what they feel and understand. There is so much more than they can express living inside their tiny bodies.
After things calmed down we were able to talk about this passion she has inside her and how she is a "feisty girl" just like her mommy, which she loved. She wanted to know more about being feisty. She was so excited to share this trait with Tori. We talked about how they are like a zig zag line going up and down and up and down and I was more of a calm straight line. She looked at me and asked, "Daddy, why are you slow?" Which is a question Tori asks fairly consistently of me. Tori began to talk about how the two of them are so alike. We talked about how they will live big, fight big, but most importantly they will love big. Tori talked about how she got in trouble A LOT by her mommy, just like Zoe will and how I didn't get in trouble very much while I was growing up. Then Zoe looked up at Tori and said, "I think Daddy is gooder than we are." We all laughed and then I was able to say to the both of them that of all the girls in the entire world I could choose, I chose a feisty one to be my wife. Now I live in a house with 2 feisty girls and couldn't imagine it otherwise. Our family needs Tori to understand Zoe and me to make sure they are both alive at the end of each day.
So, today was a day we will never forget. We saw our daughter suffer, we heard harsh and hurtful words and our family grew stronger. So, we pray that we will continue to know how to love and parent her well. We pray that we can help her remember Mehret when she forgets and we can honor her when she feels betrayed. I pray that she remains feisty and our great God uses that passion to change the world and glorify him in mighty ways. Today has been so very difficult, but we have learned that 2 feisty girls + 1 slow daddy = The Jones Family and we wouldn't have it any other way.
This month, Tori and I celebrate 30 years of life. It's very cool that we were born just 11 days apart so we get to celebrate our lives together each year. There is something about 30 that makes you look back, look forward and look in the mirror. As we look around we find nothing but blessings in every direction. We sometimes wonder how and why we are so very blessed! It is absolutely ridiculous.
This year, more than any, we celebrate LIFE! Life is a word that we have spoken over and over and over again this past year for many reasons.
First, we celebrated bringing home our unbelievable Zoe Renae, "a life reborn." Everyday with her we are amazed at how God blessed us with a life so incredible. I tell everyone that there is no way Tori could birth a baby more like her. They are two of a kind and I couldn't be happier about it. In July we were able to celebrate Zoe's life when she turned 4. It is awesome that when we look at her we only see our daughter, nothing else, just our daughter who we dearly love.
Also this year we celebrated the life of Tori's dad and a year without cancer. His life has also been reborn as he faced death head on and God gave him more time here with us. He's been given the chance to impact so many lives through this battle and has hope to offer others pleading for life. His life has and will continue to impact the world for Christ. We pray that Zoe will be one of those lives.
Then we found out, through some routine tests, that Zoe needed major surgery. Again we prayed for life. The surgery was amazingly successful and again we thank God everyday for her life. Zoe's surgeon, Dr. Tom, is her first real-life crush and one of our all-time favorite people.
Now we are turning 30. We celebrate our three decades of life and the few we've had together. Tori and I are perfectly matched and I am blessed to be married to my best friend. We are just enough alike to enjoy our lives together and different enough to complement one another perfectly. We are blessed to be in ministry together and happy that our lives intersected 4 1/2 years ago.
Just 6 months after we met, we celebrated our lives by getting tattoos. We were just friends, but we both got very meaningful artwork inked on ourselves. Some people think it's crazy, to us it's a special memory. This year to celebrate LIFE we decided to tattoo again, to forever remind us of the LIFE we have to celebrate this year and always.
We look back on wonderful life, we look forward to wonderful life and when we look in the mirror, we see amazingly blessed life.
It's official, January 18 is our court date in Ethiopia! We'll only be there for a few days, but we'll get to meet Zoe, hold her and love on her for the first time. During this trip we will officially adopt her in Ethiopia. But, after spending a couple days with her, we'll then leave her with just a few pictures of us for 6-8 weeks before we can go back to get her and bring her home to Tennessee. We are over-the-moon excited about the day we will finally meet her, but also scared to death. We have no idea how she will react to us when we meet. She will probably be scared to death herself! We just pray that it will be a time to start bonding and begin the process of becoming a family. We're also praying that we'll be able to drag each other onto the plane home. It will take an act of God and probably some powerful medication to do so.
Last weekend we were able to meet Sue, the director of our agency, Celebrate Children International. It was amazing to sit down with her and hear hear heart for the kids in Ethiopia and all that she is doing to make sure they find forever families. The house we were in was filled with internationally adopted children, several from Ethiopia. It was exciting to see the smiles on their faces and how quickly they have integrated into American culture. All I could think about was our Zoe, when they waved from outside or snuck a taste from the sugar bowl as they passed by. Sue loved on all the kids and knew them by name as she does all the kids she is advocating for around the globe. I am so glad that we are working with someone who views her job as a ministry and a calling. She is kind, but tough and her work is changing lives for eternity.
It really is weird to be an adoptive family. We know that it is a special calling and not for everyone. All Christians are called to care for the widows and orphans, but that doesn't mean everybody is supposed to bring them into their homes and families. We want to be advocates for these kids around the world without making Zoe, or any other kids we might adopt one day, become little trophies on our mantle. Like I have said before, Zoe will be as special as any children in our family. Everyone thinks, "Wow, you are going to change that little girl's life," and we will, but we know that we have as much or more to learn from her than she will ever get from us. So the three of us will learn and grow together and all of our lives will be reborn.
Tomorrow is our annual "Story Sunday" at TPC and I am preparing to talk to the kids about Zoe's story and the project that we'll be doing to collect much needed items for Tori and I to take to the Ethiopian orphanages in January. Tonight I video taped myself telling the story of our adoption journey in 5 minutes for the kids at our Franklin campus. It was amazing as I sat in Zoe's room, by her giant stuffed zebra and talked about how God has provided for us and answered so many prayers in the last few months. I thought back to how God changed our hearts from adopting a little baby to an older, waiting child who might have missed her chance to be adopted. I remember looking at the many smiling faces with Sue encouraging us to think about the "sad little girl" and then realizing that was our daughter. I remember the day that we got an email with no subject that opened to the smiling face that we'd been praying for. We had no idea how long it would take to see that smile and God gave it to us before we even met her. These past few months have been the busiest and craziest of our lives. The waiting has been getting harder. Today, Tori read a children's book in Target that began with these words, "I wanted you more than you ever will know, so I sent love to follow wherever you go." Thinking about Zoe had her in tears before the last page finished with, "you are loved." The author put our feelings into words. The words we wish Zoe could hear today and everyday. They are the words that the Lord has spoken to us throughout our lives, "Wherever you are my love will find you," and now this is the cry of our hearts for Zoe.
As the days get closer to meeting her, the days without her pass. We think of Thanksgiving with family minus Zoe, a trip to Disney World without her, Christmas morning with her far away and ringing in a new year knowing she is there and we are here. Life as we know it is about to change forever. I don't want to sound like "Debbie-Downer" but I would rate this journey higher on the sad/difficult chart than the joyful/exciting one. I know that the days of joy will come when we hold her little body tight, kiss her sweet little cheeks, kick the soccer ball in our back yard and read stories at night in bed. But for now there is no little body, no little cheeks, no one to kick the ball back or listen to stories. It's hard to know that, most likely, no one is doing these things with her now and these are days we'll never get back. I also know that God still has much to do to prepare us and much more to provide for us to bring her home. So, we continue to do the best at the calling He has placed on our lives for now. We minister to and love on those around us today and we pray for the "sad little girl" in Ethiopia. We pray for warm nights, a full belly, health, love, comfort, security and lots of smiles. The day we meet cannot come soon enough, but it will come. The day will come when our sad tears will turn to tears of joy as we wrap our arms around the little girl that the Lord created to be ours.
Taking the time to read this blog and pray with us means so much. We're grateful to those of you who have joined us in the journey as we bring Zoe home. We can't wait for you to see her smiling face and love her like you have loved us.
We have officially started the process of adopting a child from Ethiopia. Tori and I both knew that this is something that was in God's plan for our lives. I knew it was in her heart since the day I met her and I know she prayed that it would be in mine. It is truly amazing to think that in a few months I will be a father. We've been talking about our "Zoe" for a year now. We haven't met her, we don't know anything about her. All we know is that Zoe means
life and we feel called to bring
life to this child who has no hope of
life under her current circumstances. We have prayerfully considered this huge undertaking and believe that there is no way we CAN'T do it. With great joy and anticipation we are moving forward with the adoption of a young Ethiopian girl.
It is amazing to watch Tori shine throughout this process as her heart breaks over every waiting child we see. Even though it is overwhelming, she gathers the paperwork and organizes it over and over, knowing it is leading us to our Zoe. She has read hundreds of pages telling us how to properly submit every document. We're looking for our passports, ordering copies of our birth certificates, getting reference letters and having EVERYTHING notarized. A friend of ours called this time in the adoption the "paper pregnancy" because we are into months of paperwork. It is already difficult and emotional at times. We are, however, extremely fortunate and blessed to have families who support us 100%. I know that we have more than enough love to give little Zoe when she arrives and we can't wait for that exciting day. I know that the transition from an African orphanage to a white American household will not be easy. I am just trusting the Lord to guide us as we raise this sweet little girl. There will be so many days that she will feel different and I am sure there will be days where she will be discriminated against. It already breaks my heart, but I pray that in spite of this, she will be a confident leader, not one who lives as a victim. It will be a huge job, as her father, for me to instill this confidence in her from the moment I see her. I pray that she will learn more of the love of Jesus everyday and as a result of her adoption she will more clearly understand what it means to be adopted into God's family.
We are gearing up for a long, emotional, expensive, tiring journey but I know that the Lord has prepared us for this throughout our lives and He is continuing to do so. We are starting our family with adoption so that all of our kids know that this is what Joneses do. We care for those who can't care for themselves, however this may present itself throughout our lives. We want them to know that this is important to God and it is important to us. I also pray that those around us who see how we are starting our family and living our lives, will learn about what we are doing and say, "if they can do it, we can."
I don't know what our future holds or how we are going to parent an Ethiopian girl in America. All I know is that God has directed both of our lives in such an amazing way so far that I trust He has an amazing plan for us and especially for Zoe. I can't wait to see how He uses her life to change the world.
If you are reading this, I invite you to take this journey with us. We covet your prayers throughout the entire process and as we bring Zoe home. Like I said, we don't know what our future holds, but we know Who holds it. We are placing our trust, hope, fears, joy, pain and lives into His hands as He brings our family together from opposite ends of the world.
About a month after Tori and I got married she decided she wanted a puppy. So I bought her a book that seemingly described the situation. It was called “Pigeon Wants a Puppy.” In this book, the pigeon really, really wants a puppy. It turns out the puppy was more than the pigeon had bargained for and she quickly moves on to wanting something new. Our story is quite similar, but with a twist, of course.
Tori only wanted a cute little puppy that could fit in her purse and peek out occasionally to sweetly prance around before slipping back into her bag to nap while Tori continued with her day. So she asked if we could get a little puppy like that and I said absolutely not. Days later we were searching the Internet and newspapers for what dog would be perfect for our new family. After a few hours we came across a breed that was described as small, non-shedding, hypoallergenic and a great indoor dog. We thought, this must be it; we should get a miniature Schnauzer. We looked at information online and decided we wanted a solid black male without clipped ears. We talked to a genuinely kind couple in Murfreesboro and were on our way to their house a few hours later. Of course, before we got out of town we stopped at Target and deliberated over which baby blanket he would need to be wrapped in as we drove him to his new home.
We pulled into their driveway and as we walked into their backyard, one of their two little boy puppies ran directly to Tori. We looked at both, but we were hooked by the little runt that chose Tori. We talked with the breeders for a few minutes and then headed home with our tiny, little, black fur-ball. He was adorable and we decided to name him Zeke. Zeke loved the soft green blanket with a tough dog sewn onto it that we had picked out for him.
We went directly to introduce him to his new grandparents. The first house we came to was Tori’s mom and dad. Patti was honest, saying that she’d rather have another human grandchild, but Rick was smitten. We spent some time with them and Zeke peed on the carpet, which is something that has become sort of a tradition for him. Then we took him on to my parents’ house. This is a house that is traditionally a pet-free zone.
On the way we stopped at a pet store to get a bed, some food, a black Harley Davidson collar with silver spikes, a leash, an id tag, a bag of treats and some clothes, you know, the necessities. The people were very helpful, almost too helpful, but we got almost everything we thought we would need and we headed out. Then PANIC. Tori felt a small tick on our precious new Zeke. I tried to use the tweezers on my pocketknife, but we were hurting him and couldn’t get it out. I ran back inside and quickly found special tweezers and we got him taken care of quickly. Whew, crisis #1 was over and we were ready to go. We should have seen the sign of what was to come with this cute little black runt. Anyway we arrived at my parents and they fell in love with him. Dad even wanted to hold him, which was totally out of character.
We took him home to our house, played a little bit and put him in his new cage. He cried a little but went to sleep very fast. The next morning I took him to church and introduced him to a few hundred of my closest kid friends. We could not believe how calm and good he was. Everyone was falling in love with him. Soon after we had VBS and I decided to bring him to meet all the kids and get him socialized. I took him on stage and let 800 kids pet him. Many thought he was a stuffed animal because he barely moved. This was so fun and exciting for us for a few days. During the day we left him in the volunteer room with our friend Shelley and one day she came to get me saying that Zeke had an accident in the bag Tori had been carrying him in. The smell was really bad to say the least. I was about to go on stage, so I had to get Tori to take care of him.
When I finished my responsibilities I called Tori and she was in tears. She was at the vet and the diagnosis was possibly Parvo, which my grandparents dog had just died from and it is rare that any survive. The tests came back negative, but we monitored him throughout the evening. He was barely breathing and Tori’s calls to the vet went from hourly to every 5 minutes, so she had us bring him in around midnight. I held him while she put in an I.V. and we left him to be treated for Parvo. He survived! But, this was the first of many trips to the vet. The staff talked to Zeke and us like we were old friends. I believe we were the reason for some of the upgrades we began to see around the office.
After a few months we got used to cleaning up diarrhea and feeding Zeke pills wrapped in cheese. Amy and Cissy weren’t used to it when it happened in our cabin at children’s camp, but we all moved on. Zeke really became part of our family and Tori bonded with him really strongly while he was sick. As the days have gone by he has really grown. He actually got much larger than any cute purse can hold. He also became WILD. Very little of what we read about him before we got him was true to who he is. In fact, some days we almost wish for the Parvo days. Zeke is a crazy, wild dog. He eats only wheat and gluten free food. He is highly intelligent, which makes for much trouble. He wakes up early and goes out often. A puppy is a lot of work. Tori takes care of him in the morning and I play with him at night. My family took him in as a grandchild/nephew and they keep him when we go out of town…and pamper him. Mom sews up his over-chewed toys, dad plays chase games with him and Janice bathes him everyday. He is kind of the Jones family dog as everyone takes care of him. Sophie loves to look at him and she wants to play with him, but he is still a little overwhelming for her. Will really likes the idea of him, but he is just the right size for Zeke to knock over and make a chew toy out of, so they don’t play very much. Hope takes him for walks on bedazzled leashes and talks about how wonderful he is. He is part of the family for better or for worse.
Pigeon wanted a puppy and she got it. It was simple for the storybook character as she got overwhelmed and could easily look to something new. We found out that in real life you cannot simply turn the page and move on to something the next bigger and better thing. The puppy, who is far beyond what we had anticipated, was more than just a picture on a page. We fell in love with the little guy. Zeke is pure trouble, but he is our trouble and we couldn’t imagine our story without him.
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